Life has become easy. You can watch any movie, read any book, or play any song you want with one click on your phone. You can order whatever cuisine strikes your fancy to show up at your door. Even a potential relationship is just a swipe away.
With wealth comes even more ease. You can fly private. You can send your kids to a prep school and hire tutors to ease their educational path. You can hire people to cook, clean and manage any household inconvenience on your behalf. The reduction of friction in our lives seems like a good thing since our brains naturally look for the easiest path. So, why aren’t we all exponentially happier than in the past?
Generational happiness gap
There is a generational happiness gap where children of wealth are measurably less satisfied than their parents and their peers. The lack of friction in a privileged life can feed into this dynamic. In her 2026 study, The Friction Paradox: Why a Frictionless Modern Life Produces Fragile Nervous Systems, Sunita Mani observed how a lack of friction feeds unhappiness, noting that “populations enjoying the highest degree of frictionlessness report the highest rates of loneliness, anxiety and burnout.”
Our brains and nervous systems need friction to operate properly.
Overcoming small obstacles builds the neurological resilience to handle big things that money cannot solve such as health problems or interpersonal conflict. The feel-good chemical, dopamine, drives our internal reward system and it expects effort. When things come to us too easily, we source our dopamine elsewhere, which can lead to the addictions and disordered behaviour associated with generational wealth. Some friction in life—waiting in line, dealing with crowds, working for things you want—is neurologically expected. When friction is eliminated, we do not function as well.
In a 2024 Cambridge study, Sam Aitkenhead observed that “removing user frictions often eliminates critical affordances for human flourishing—including opportunities for autonomy, agency, creativity and awareness.” Obstacles help us learn and grow, driving longer term satisfaction. A 2025 study observed that effort did not just lead to pleasure, but was a source of it: “effort itself becomes intrinsically rewarding as experienced pleasure.”
An oft-quoted study from 2012, The IKEA Effect, shows that when people put effort into assembling something, they tend to value it more. Most wealthy people are not building their own bookcases, but perhaps they’d be more satisfied if they did.
Going frictionless
Former Uber and UberEATS executive Carla Vass made her living from creating frictionless experiences. Craving some obstacles in her life, she signed up for a car rally where she had to rely on her co-drivers and physical maps. She then wrote a novel based on her experience. As she observed in her essay for Fast Company: “Now friction is a luxury good, repackaged and priced like glamping…we stripped friction out of everyone’s life and now sell it back to whoever can afford it.”
Wealthy people often crave the friction they lack, which is why they can be drawn to extreme sports and experiences like Burning Man. After years of being ferried around in frictionless cars where you barely feel the road, they crave sports cars where you feel the road underneath the tires and every shift of the gears.
Adding friction does not have to be this dramatic. You can sign up for a 10K and work on improving your time. You can learn a new language or take up a new hobby. Even things like doing your own errands or taking public transportation now and then can help build satisfaction and resilience.
What can parents do?
If you are a HNW parent, you may wish to introduce elements of friction into your children’s lives. When they are young, this can look like household chores like keeping one’s room tidy or helping to prepare a meal. Even if your home is fully staffed, children can learn to have ownership over their rooms or set the table for dinner. Maria Montessori embedded tidying up into her curriculum which was designed in the early 1900s for low-income, inner-city children.
The wealthy have since embraced her methodology for their toddlers since it gives children an intrinsic sense of satisfaction. Kids can be in competitive sports or activities like debating where wins will feel more satisfying and losses will build resilience. It will feel counter-intuitive at first—as parents we generally want our children’s lives to be easy and fun—but will serve your children well in the future.
As children grow older, financial bottlenecks can be helpful. For the HNW family, these are by design rather than necessity. Teens can receive an allowance in line with that of their peers. They can save money to contribute towards big ticket items like vacations or cars. Summer jobs should be encouraged; just because one does not need to work, financially, doesn’t mean there is no psychological usefulness. Teens also need to learn how to navigate friction in relationships, which is less likely to happen if they are always picking up the tab for their friends.
If you work in the family office space, you can help families build in financial friction by helping shape how money is passed down to children and grandchildren. Inheritances can be paid out in stages linked to maturity or educational milestones. You can set up incentive trusts that reflect a family’s expectations and values. You can encourage families to write a letter of wishes—a non-binding document that accompanies a will or trust to give guidance to executors and trustees on how to handle an estate. While the documents are not legally binding, they can help executors and trustees understand how a family would like the money to be used and help guide discretionary decisions.
We all want the very best for our children and grandchildren, but we should not eliminate all obstacles. Be thoughtful about how you pass on wealth, linking it to effort if you can. Encourage hobbies and activities with inherent friction. For example, when your kids are off to college or buying a first apartment, don’t outsource everything to a decorator even if you have the means. Let them have the satisfaction of building their own desks.
Jen Lawrence, MBA teaches The Art & Science of Success at the University of Toronto and helps people find a life with purpose. She’s a Trauma of Money facilitator who works with HNW individuals. She can be reached at jen@processdesignconsultants.com. You can follow her Instagram at @thoughtful_club.
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