What skills does a 4-year-old need to get into top schools?

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What does it take to get your kid into a top school? Competition is tough for the best of the best independent schools, so how can parents help prepare children to succeed, starting from their earliest years?

Educational consultant Zahra Rasul is a “student whisperer” who understands that lots of wealthy Canadian parents envision their kids going to elite schools, including American prep schools and Ivy League universities. As founder and owner of the Vancouver-based firm Rasul Learning Group, she helps students and families pursue their educational ambitions, focusing primarily on private educational preparation and admissions.

Rasul believes in a hands-on approach. She formulates personal education plans for students and builds long-term relationships that sometimes stretch from preschool to age 30 (the latter for career advice). With clients all over Canada, the U.S. and abroad, she and her team of learning specialists have never been busier.

So when does formal education begin?

Canadian families with lofty expectations are generally looking at an entry point in junior kindergarten, when kids are four years old, Rasul says.

“Many private schools in Canada are now going into the early childhood education space, and with applicants that young, it’s truly less about the kid and more about the family,” she says. “Schools are picking families that they believe share the same values and that would contribute positively to the school community.”

But in order to be prepared for junior kindergarten admission, Rasul says you’ve got to start even earlier – at two years old. That’s the catch: They have to be in the right preschool program to be prepared for the entrance requirements they need to fulfill later.

“Can the child communicate?” asks Rasul. “Are they potty-trained? Those are two really important factors for preschool because this is not daycare. They have to be ready to be away from their parents for a half day or full day, five days a week.”

By age four, children should be able to follow instructions and sit in a circle and have academic readiness skills, including reading and strong enough penmanship that they can write their letters and name, as well as do simple addition and subtraction.

“The private schools know that kids coming from these preschools are going to be school-ready,” says Rasul. “There are different models for preschool, and some work better for certain kids versus others. My boys were in play-based programs while my daughter was in Montessori because her verbal skills were more precocious.

“Know your options and find the best fit for your child.”

Also important are networking and building relationships with families who are already within the preschools or private school systems that you want to be in. A recommendation from a long-standing family in a private school goes a long way, says Rasul. It’s much harder if you’re not connected to the community.

If your kids don’t get into the school you ultimately want them to graduate from, Rasul suggests viewing it as a steppingstone. You might wait for the next intake year and try again. Also, many prep and boarding schools only start in the senior years.

If you’re considering boarding school for your child, academic readiness and independence count.

“If your kid is surrounded by an army of tutors, they’re probably not ready for boarding school and more independent learning,” says Rasul. “I’d suggest giving them opportunities to be away from home, such as a few weeks at a sleepover summer camp, and see how they fare.

“At boarding school, you’re away from home for six weeks at a time between holidays, so it’s super important to know if your child is well adjusted. If a kid is experiencing issues – disordered eating, mood disorders, test anxiety or anxiety in general – I would really caution parents about sending their kids away at that point.”

When a student is underperforming or simply doesn’t seem motivated, Rasul says early intervention is key.

“All kids can have success if they’ve taken the right courses and have the right supports in place,” she says. “It might be their courses are too challenging or not the right ones, or they were given bad advice about where their strengths lie. They also might be dealing with underlying mental health concerns, but sometimes those kids just need more time to mature and decide what they want.

“I’m a big fan of gap years, of students taking some time to explore and see what they’re intellectually interested in if they haven’t developed those interests by 17 or 18. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a kid taking a year or two to travel or upgrade courses.”

Michael O’Connor, chief marketing and enrolment officer at Appleby College, one of Canada’s top independent day and boarding schools, says the hardest part of the admissions job is having to say no, because each student is exceptional in their own respect. Only about one in four applicants makes the cut at the Oakville, Ont.-based school, which takes in students mainly at grades seven and nine.

Don’t try to fit a square peg into a round hole just to tick a box.

Michelle Frigo, Appleby College

“It is very competitive,” says O’Connor. “We’re looking for students who have an open mind, who want to explore and try new things. I’ve always said the best Appleby student is somebody who’s a joiner. We’re looking for well-rounded students who are involved in athletics, who have an interest in the arts. Beyond music, that might include drawing, animation, vocals or theatre.

“Those are some of the things we try to draw out of the students as we go through the interview process.”

Interviews are typically 20 to 30 minutes long with the student alone followed by a 10- to 15-minute chat with the parents. O’Connor says the best interviews are conversations where the student is fully engaged. Students no longer have to write a SSAT (Secondary School Admission Test) exam, unless administrators notice a disconnect between the student’s report card and their glowing recommendations or a great interview (then the SSAT may provide another benchmark). Applicants are asked to complete a Kira Talent interview online, which includes both video and written responses.

O’Connor’s advice for a successful student interview is to go in with the mindset that you’re actually interviewing the school – not that the school is interviewing you. Come prepared with questions.

“There are other great schools out there as well,” says O’Connor. “The key for the student is to find a school that’s the right fit for them.”

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Michelle Frigo, director of guidance, post-secondary counselling at Appleby, offers a caveat to parents who think their children need to be involved in everything in order to be accepted at a school like Appleby. In the summertime, she says, kids need to recharge and just be kids, not build their curriculum vitae, for instance.

“Let them thrive and excel in what gives them joy,” says Frigo. “If they love drama, let them excel in theatre. If they love soccer, let them excel in soccer. Don’t try to fit a square peg into a round hole just to tick a box. The kids that we find are most successful are ones that really are driving their own interests.”

Guidance is a key component at Appleby. It begins in Grade 9 with asking kids to consider who they are and where their interests and aspirations lie.

“By Grade 10, we’re really educating them about what’s out there for them, what are the possibilities that exist?” says O’Connor. “By Grade 11, they’re actually doing the research into potential postsecondary pathways.”

Frigo says one of the key differentiators for Appleby is the relationships that its guidance team builds with university counsellors internationally.

“If a student wants to apply to Cal Berkeley, we know what Cal Berkeley is looking for and we can help coach their application – or if you’re looking at Parsons in New York City, or Georgetown, Harvard or Princeton.

“We have lots of great students going to wonderful places in the U.S., U.K., Europe and Australia – because they found their best fit, a place to thrive academically that matches their values and their interests.”

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