A retirement spent hopping between a home in Maryland, the Rocky Mountains and a few sunny weeks in Florida each year likely sounds pleasing to most people. But it was a deep compromise for one well-heeled retiree who had nurtured retirement dreams of spending long days — every day — in Florida.
His second wife was not so keen. She’d suffered from skin cancer earlier in her life and had no interest in spending her senior years in the Sunshine State. The couple consulted a retirement planner to sort out the three-destination compromise that worked for both spouses.
Clearly, planning matters when it comes to sorting out retirement. But as this story illustrates, the issues that bubble to the top are different when money is not the chief concern.
What questions do you ask to plan for a happy, healthy retirement if “how do I survive financially” is not one of them?
“Where shall we spend our time?” and “What does my spouse want?” are good ones, says Russel Baskin, a Toronto-based family enterprise advisor and coach at Trella Advisory Group. But, so long as the money question is answered, Baskin says, the real key questions revolve around purpose and how to continue to live a meaningful life. We’re not talking about finding a new hobby or sport.
“It’s not so much ‘What do I want to do?’ as ‘What is my purpose?’” says Baskin. That question involves unpacking what to do with a lifetime of acquired intellect, wisdom and experience. And digging into what pursuits will continue to be fulfilling and help you feel connected and valued.
One of the top five things for men was spending more time with their wives, but the wives never said they were going to spend more time with their husbands.
Russel Baskin, Trella Advisory Group
“There are so many studies that correlate having purpose to health, happiness and longevity. Even neuroscientists have noted that it protects the healthy cognitive aging process. The more you have a sense of purpose, the more you’ll be able to be happy and have a longer life,” says Lalonde.
Develop a sense of purpose
Time for some introspection, then. Lalonde and Morency’s coaching services guide retirees to uncovering sources of purpose though a step-by-step inquiry into what drives them. Some questions they ask include:
- What are your core values?
- What are some of your passions that you may have put aside?
- What are your character strengths?
- What do you want to nurture?
Answer these and you’ll be closer to pinpointing a pursuit that may fuel a sense of purpose in your retirement. Lalonde and Morency say the other three pillars of healthy retirement are a sense of contribution, well-being and connection.
Do people understand that they need to spend quality time on introspection to plan a healthy retirement? Not really, Baskin says.
“We focus a lot on the preparedness of the next generation,” says Baskin. “Which makes sense because everybody’s future is in their hands. But we don’t spend the same amount of time helping those who are going through an equally challenging life transition.”
Your plans need to work for 25 to 30 years
Susan Latremoille, Toronto-based co-founder and partner of Next Chapter Lifestyle Advisors, says people typically start thinking about and planning their retirement about a year ahead of time, which works well enough. Some start much earlier. And some come very late indeed.
“But that’s not a sustainable plan for the next 25 to 30 years,” she says.
Also, a sustainable plan for one person might not work for another. If you’re planning things around a partner or spouse, it’s critical that you let them know what you’re thinking.
“It really boils down to ‘me’ time and ‘we’ time,” says Latremoille. “What are the things you are going to do on your own, and what are the things you are going to do together? Very often couples have different expectations about that.”
A study from MIT AgeLab confirms it. The study interviewed men and women separately, asking them the top five things they’d spend time on during their retirement.
Better communication may help keep retired couples safe from another major retirement trend: the Grey Divorce. “The largest percentage of divorces in North America today are with people over 50,” says Latremoille.
Wealth can’t shield you from challenges
She notes another issue for women, including professional women, is a cultural expectation that they may be available for caregiving duties: for their grandchildren, elderly parents or even their spouse.
“You have to really be conscious of what you want to do,” says Latremoille. “Otherwise you can just fall into these roles whether you like it or not. It’s absolutely critical for spouses to plan and talk these things through together.”
It’s also important to give yourself some time to adapt to the inevitable changes that retirement brings.
Baskin says, “We’re expected to be one thing one day, and then simply progress into being something else the next day, but there’s a letting go and even a grieving period when you leave behind something that has had a huge impact on your life.”
The changes are profound and wealth can’t shield you from them. External changes could include illness or a change in your living situation or where you spend your days.
“Then there’s that internal transition, which is the emotional component,” says Baskin, where any time spent on self-inquiry will serve you well. “That’s where you ask: ‘Who am I now?’”
More from Canadian Family Offices:
- When should family office say ‘sayonara’ to a client?
- Future of family offices: less isolation, more customization, says Tina Di Vito
- A tool to pass down wealth through generations
- Investor Brice Scheschuk on spotting gems in early-stage tech today
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