Big difference between men and women? Their response to a personal health crisis

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With wait lists for basic health-care appointments, surgeries and cancer treatments gravely affected by COVID-19, many are turning to health and lifestyle coaches to assist in the wake of health crises, or for long-term wellness goals.

The difference between what men and women are looking for when they seek help from a coach might be surprising, as the former tend to leave medical treatment to the last second, and the latter are more likely to act preventively, craving consistent emotional and physical support.

Here, three health and lifestyle coaches who work with many high-net-worth and high-powered business clients share their perspectives on what men and women want when they decide to radically change their approach to wellness.

Melissa Johanson, health coach and founder of The Well Way

What reasons might men, more typically, seek health coaching, in your experience?

“In my experience, men typically come to me for two reasons: Tey are either in the midst of an ongoing health crisis, for instance they have been diagnosed with an illness or condition such as diabetes or high blood pressure, or they have had an acute health scare such as a heart attack or anxiety attack.”

What reasons might women, again, more typically, seek health coaching?

“Women often come to me for a combination of complaints and symptoms but these usually include being overweight, having low energy, digestion troubles and stress.

“The difference here between men and women is that the women are usually seeking support while they are perhaps in the progression towards illness. Signs are showing up that their body is not healthy, and they are worried and looking for answers and support for change.”

“Men, on the other hand are usually waiting until there is already an acute problem – they might have been dealing with the same symptoms for years but now it has manifested into illness.”

Why do you think there is this difference in how men and women respond to a health crisis?

“I believe there are many factors that contribute to this difference in approach. For starters, I think men have been taught from a young age to ‘tough things out.’

“Things are slowly getting better, but, still, many male-dominated sports often encourage ignoring physical pain and continuing on through discomfort and even injury. Therefore, many men I work with aren’t as in touch with their physical body.

“Alternatively, for women, there is a lot of social pressure for women to be at a low weight. Excessive weight gain is not healthy, but most women have an unhealthy obsession with their weight, body dysmorphia and/or history of eating disorders.

“Another difference is that women also seem to be more comfortable asking for support. I’m guessing men have somehow gotten a message that asking for support makes them weak, however wrong that message might be. I have noticed it is harder for men to reach out and/or admit they need help.”

How do you help your clients manage their physical and mental health?

“I meet clients wherever they are in their health journey, because everyone is unique and so is their health struggles and goals. I offer personalized support. I work with clients over a minimum of 12 weeks up to a year to provide education, accountability, habit formation, mindset transformations and support.

“What I encourage is small, consistent changes over time to result in a lifestyle change, versus a short-term diet or challenge. My approach is holistic in that I look at a number of different factors that could be affecting my client’s health, from nutrition to sleep, exercise, stress, relationships or belief systems. I believe my clients successes are largely attributed to support, habit formation and powerful mindset shifts.

“Most of my clients are very busy working professionals and really appreciate the support to create goals, structure, and clarity when it comes to their health, therefore taking off some of the ‘mental load.’”

Marlon Teekah, health coach and registered kinesiologist

What reasons might men, more typically, seek health coaching, in your experience?

“It’s really important to note that my answers are based on my experiences from the people I work with – ages 40s to 70s, 60-per-cent male, 40-per-cent female, and ultra-high-income executives and entrepreneurs.

“Most of the men I work with have a background with sports and strength training. However, as they get older, they usually need an updated health plan for their changing needs. These tend to involve exercises they are unfamiliar with, such as rehabilitation and cardiovascular exercises for heart disease and high blood pressure, or flexibility and core exercises for lower back pain or to increase their long drive in golf.”

What reasons might women, again, more typically, seek health coaching?

“Most of the women I work with have experience with cardiovascular and flexibility exercises
but less so with strength training. The need for the latter increases later in life for women, due to the risk of osteoporosis. Strength training also helps with weight management, a goal for many of the women I work with. Consequently, they seek my advice to learn how to perform strength training safely, without ‘bulking up.’”

Why do you think there is this difference in how men and women respond to a health crisis?

“The men I work with tend to have a harder time accepting health issues and asking for help. It has usually taken a health crisis, such as a heart attack or hypertension for them to finally seek my services.”

How do you help your clients manage their physical and mental health?

“I provide a safe space for my clients. There can be a lot of shame when someone asks for help, especially with their health. I try to be empathic, non-judgemental and listen as much as I talk. This develops trust, which in my opinion is the foundation to any relationship.

“I work with my clients to set realistic long-term expectations and goals, so my clients know what to expect and what not to. Since I focus on exercise, they can expect to see significant changes to their strength, endurance, flexibility, muscular development and weight management, if they are consistent. Weight loss comes mainly from nutrition changes, which is not an area I focus on.

“I encourage my clients to notice the positive feelings that occur right after an exercise session, such as feeling more relaxed and energized. I constantly talk about “positive deposits” and the need for consistency. Sometimes people will miss a workout if they don’t have the time to do their normal session or if they’re not feeling their best. However, I always remind them that 10 minutes of movement is better than nothing. It’s similar to depositing one dollar to their bank account instead of $100 – it’s still growth and a step forward.

“I use a ‘strength-based approach’ where I focus on the movements they can do, instead of what they can’t do. For example, a knee replacement can easily discourage someone from exercising. However, I always encourage them to remember that they still can lift weights and stretch their upper bodies. I provide a positive environment and workout that is full of laughs, variety, ‘fun’ exercises but never any shame. I empower my clients by teaching them how to exercise correctly and listen to their bodies to know if an exercise is effective or needs to be modified.”

Jonathan Thomas, life and relationship coach

What reasons might men, more typically, seek coaching, in your experience?

“Every situation is, of course, different and there is no universal or exact mould, but there are definitely patterns that emerge.

“A large portion of my male clients have contacted me to focus on their career aspirations and, more importantly, finding a career that will provide fulfillment. The age range of 25-35 is full of people who have taken jobs for security and certainty but have the open mindedness to realize that they need more to be happy and fulfilled. I have encountered more men that are willing to act upon career changes.”

What reasons might women, again, more typically, seek coaching?

“Many of the female clients that I have worked with have definitely had one thing in common: Whether they are searching for relationship coaching, battling depression and anxiety, or need help with job performance, the big thing that stands out is their selflessness.

“They are searching for help so that they can either help their romantic partner or learn how to mend family issues. They are hoping to improve their mental state and behaviours so that they do not become a burden on others. Or they are looking to become more physically fit and healthy in order to be a more active mom and keep up with friends. In short, many times men will be more focused on improving themselves for their own benefit, while women will seek out change in order to make their loved ones’ lives easier and happier.”

Why do you think there is this difference in how men and women respond to a health crisis?

“I believe these differences can trace back all the way to our human evolution where men and women would have different ways of communicating and different roles in the tribe or community.

How do you help your clients manage their physical and mental health?

“It is so vital to create and maintain a sense of urgency when coaching anybody towards change. So many times, we have a wormhole moment in our life. When there is so much pain and we are fed up with how things are, it creates a wormhole that we can go through to fix these things that are taking away from our quality of life.

“The problem is that this wormhole is very time sensitive. If we let it sit for a few days or a week, and we continue to go about our everyday life, we can lose the sense of urgency and then once again settle into those behaviours. A huge part of a successful coaching session is to make sure you maintain the urgency for the client.

“A great way to do this is through different mental exercises like ‘the Dickens pattern.’ You coach the client through the Charles Dickens story of the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future, but instead get them to become aware and verbalize how this behaviour has negatively impacted them in the past, the present, and how it will undoubtedly affect the future. Lots of cool and efficient mental exercises like this is what can make coaching a difference maker.”

Responses have been edited for clarity and length.

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