When you’re a third-generation member of a wealthy family, that comes with expectations, not only from your family but from yourself. How do you maintain a sense of individuality while carrying on the legacy?
Understanding, processing and balancing any self-doubts and expectations can be difficult, leading to a questioning of the self, wondering, “Am I good enough?”
Danielle Saputo knows of what she speaks. She is a member of the Montreal-based Saputo family, which founded Saputo Inc. in 1954 and is one of the top 10 dairy processors in the world. After earning a bachelor of commerce degree and a graduate degree in institutional administration, as well as attending the Rotman School of Management at the University of Toronto and the John Molson School of Business in Montreal, she became a certified legacy coach and family advisor.
In her new book, I Am Enough: Emerging From the Shadows Into the Sunlight of My True Self, Saputo answers the question of “Am I good enough?” bluntly, but she treats her journey from self-doubt to confidence with empathy and grace, while shutting down what she describes as her internal saboteur.
It is both a memoir and self-help book that chronicles Saputo’s personal journey from a girl filled with self-doubt to a confident woman who reframed her life experiences so she could continue the legacy of her family but still define herself on her own terms.
Now she aims to help others in the same situation.
“For better or worse, our family histories and relationships shape the course of our lives. Our families provide support, love and guidance, and they can also leave a lasting imprint on our minds and hearts. When we are constantly in the shadow of those around us, it becomes difficult to see our own potential and live as the best version of ourselves.”
Having done the hard work myself, I can create a safe space for conversations to take place when I'm guiding an individual and a family.
Danielle Saputo
Saputo’s book is peppered with reflections on growing up. She talks about feeling like she lived in the shadow of her family, often telling herself she wasn’t good enough. She tells of growing up in Montreal. The reader gets a good sense of her life. When asked what her family thought of the book, they replied that it read like a journal, she says.
One anecdote will feel familiar. She writes of the time when she got 96 per cent on a math exam.
“I was so proud of that,” she says. “And [then] I felt squished. I was asked, ‘Why didn’t you get 100?’” She says that instead of taking the comment as an encouragement to do better the next time, she focused on the negative and thought she wasn’t good enough.
To break that cycle, Saputo says we must take a moment to be open enough to ask a question instead of judging what someone has said as being harsh. We should instead be curious and say, “Well, wait a second, what does that mean exactly?” Because, as she says, people often misread other people because they’re in their our own head and their own space.
Fundamentally, she says, it’s about communication.
“Very often I find going through life we often just focus on what we see or how we interpret someone’s experience,” she says, explaining that with siblings (Saputo is one of five) or other family members, the perception of each other is built over decades of life together.
She takes this approach into her coaching and advisory business.
“Having done the hard work myself, I can create a safe space for conversations to take place when I’m guiding an individual and a family,” she says.
“That’s where I use myself as an example. If I hadn’t gone through the work that I’ve gone through to really know my core self, I wouldn’t be as large an asset to my whole family.”
She does point out that each family’s dynamic is unique. Some members tend to go family-first, but Saputo says that if you don’t give the individual that moment to discover who they are, he or she will always be resistant to what can be best done for the family.
“To me, it’s bringing awareness that if family members are willing and aware to learn and support each other, then absolutely it can be done even while you’re within the family environment.”
Please visit here to see information about our standards of journalistic excellence.