Do’s and don’ts in aiding the next generation of enterprising families

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I have worked with family businesses in one fashion or another for decades (5.1 decades, to be precise). I’ve learned many lessons and helped next-generation leaders navigate challenging waters, more often than not successfully, thank goodness.

I had a day off recently, which I welcomed. After doing my SI joint anti-arthritis exercises (a new thing in my life) and doing my usual 4-mile walk (some say my walk is more like a slow run, but hey, my wife presented me with a “TYPE A” license plate for my 40th birthday, and not much has changed in the years since), I jotted down some thoughts that occurred to me

I put my thoughts out there as “do’s and don’ts.” I didn’t bother giving lengthy explanations as to the importance of these recommendations, as they should be obvious. On the other hand, it’s my business to assist those who struggle with the obvious, so don’t hesitate to reach out.

The DO’s

1. Do express your point of view regardless of whether you agree or disagree with a perspective of your parent.
2. Do help your siblings who are in the business be successful.
3. Do be considerate of those siblings who are not in the business so as to avoid unnecessary acrimony and family disharmony.
4. Do take calculated risks.
5. Do communicate thoughts and feelings … at the right time and right place.
6. Do talk to your children, if you have children, about your business and the work you do.
7. Do bring your children to the workplace from time to time.
8. Do talk to your children about financial matters.
9. Do expect that the patriarch/matriarch will continue to maintain oversight of the business until they fully trust you.
10. Do admit to what you don’t know or understand.
11. Do learn the hard stuff (business process, technical issues, financial matters, strategy) and the soft stuff (leadership, HR policies, interpersonal skills, conflict management skills, performance management). The soft stuff is just as key to your success.
12. Do lead by example.
13. Do find time to exercise, eat well, sleep well, be with family/friends and take vacations, but find the work/life balance that works for you.
14.  Do expect to have sleepless nights.
15. Do communicate with your spouse or partner about what happens at work.
16. Do listen intently to what goes on in your spouse or partner’s work or home life.
17. Do make time for intimacy (movies, dinners, time away and sex).
18. Do think about your legacy and how you want to be remembered.
19. Do fire fast and hire slow – your colleagues will appreciate you for it.
20. Do give others an opportunity to shine.
21. Do read business books and biographies of successful people, at least one per month.
22. Do attend industry conferences.
23. Do balance strategic focus with a roll-up-your-sleeves mindset and help get things done.

Now for the DON’Ts:

1. Don’t call your parents Dad or Mom in the workplace.
2. Don’t shy away from debate or conflict.
3. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake.
4. Don’t be afraid to show your ambition, but expect to get ahead on performance.
5. Don’t be embarrassed by your last name … you didn’t ask for it or steal it.
6. Don’t expect that all non-family executives will like or respect you because you are an offspring of the founder or predecessor.
7. Don’t expect that all or any of your children will follow in your footsteps.
8. Don’t feel you have to stick with the business strategy you were handed, particularly if conditions have changed.
9. Don’t be embarrassed if someone labels you as opportunistic.
10. Don’t hire friends or extended family because they are friends or extended family.
11. Don’t hog the meeting.
12. Don’t feel guilty if you say “no,” particularly if you supply options to the no.
13. Don’t expect to be treated better than the other executives or employees.
14. Don’t ask to be treated with favourtism.
15. If working with siblings, regardless of sibling rivalry in your youth, don’t undermine one another.
16. Add your own ideas here!

Gerald Pulvermacher has been in practice as a licensed psychologist for 50 years. His firm, Gerald Pulvermacher & Associates (GPA), is a global boutique consultancy with highly credentialed practitioners in a variety of disciplines. The firm is best known for its work transitioning leadership in family businesses and family offices to the next generation, supporting the next gen via executive coaching, working through thorny issues so that family members are willing to embrace change, helping the next gen craft and implement their organization strategy, organization redesign (should that be required), change management, development of governance structures and family charters that will stand the test of time. GPA works closely with specialists in insurance, tax, legal and investment but does not offer these services. GPA has worked extensively with families in such sectors as real estate, automobile dealerships, professional services, home care, staffing and energy, as well as related engagements with hospitals, Crown corporations, energy, lottery, long-term care, pipeline, airport, central banks, pension funds, insurance companies, merchant banks and partnerships.

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