This is the fourth in a series of articles about the high costs of divorce by Elke Rubach, president of Rubach Wealth.
Let’s get this out of the way first: This isn’t legal advice. Laws vary by province, and things change depending on whether a couple is legally married or common-law. This article offers a perspective—one shaped by years of working with wealthy families, sitting in on tense meetings, and watching good people suffer needlessly for lack of structure. If clients are navigating divorce, or even just planning ahead, they need to speak with a qualified family lawyer in their province. Period.
Now, onto the conversation most people want to avoid, but really shouldn’t.
You can’t control whether a marriage ends—but you can absolutely control how much damage it does.
In a family office context, divorce is never “just personal.” It’s structural. It’s financial. And if there’s no plan in place, it can tear apart businesses, destabilize wealth transfers and leave heirs confused and caught in the middle.
Yet despite all this, conversations about prenups, asset protection and estate clarity often get pushed to the side. Why? Because they’re awkward. No one wants to suggest planning for the end when they’re celebrating the beginning.
But here’s the thing: Divorce-proofing a legacy doesn’t mean expecting failure. It means having the wisdom to protect what’s been built, no matter what life throws at it.
Why advisors need to lead these conversations
Clients rarely initiate these discussions. Some don’t want to “jinx” their marriage. Others feel uncomfortable bringing it up with their partners. And many—especially business owners—feel confident it won’t happen to them.
That’s where the advisor comes in. When the topic is framed as “legacy protection, continuity and minimizing conflict,” it becomes easier to digest. The goal isn’t to cast doubt on a relationship. It’s to put smart guardrails in place so that if something does happen, it doesn’t derail everything.
Let’s also acknowledge something else: Legal costs in high-net-worth divorces are staggering. The emotional toll? Even worse. Once the trust is gone, the lawyers step in—and suddenly two people who once shared everything are locked in a multi-year war where nobody really wins. Except maybe the lawyers.
And then there are the kids. As advisors, we can’t overlook the children.
That’s because whether the kids are age 5 or 45, they’re watching. They pick up on the tension. They’re left wondering who’s right, who’s wrong, and how to stay neutral in a house that’s no longer a home.
Children of divorce, especially in wealthy families, often carry a legacy of uncertainty. They see trust funds restructured, family businesses thrown into chaos and parental conflict become their new normal. We owe it to them to help clients do better.
Five divorce-proofing tools for advisors
Prenups and postnups: Let’s get over the stigma. These aren’t about mistrust—they’re about clarity. And yes, some clients balk at the legal fees. But whatever a prenuptial agreement costs, it’s infinitely less expensive—and less emotionally taxing—than the absence of one if the marriage ends.
Trusts and shareholder agreements: Discretionary trusts and well-drafted shareholder agreements are a family office’s best friend. They prevent ownership disputes, ensure voting rights stay with the right people and keep businesses from being carved up during a marital split.
Estate and beneficiary reviews: Too many clients forget to update wills, RRSPs, insurance policies or tax-free savings accounts (TFSAs) after a separation—or worse, after remarrying. That’s how exes end up as beneficiaries. Regular reviews matter.
Governance and communication frameworks: A family constitution might sound formal, but it can be as simple as written clarity on how decisions are made, how conflicts are resolved, and who gets a vote. When separation happens and there’s no structure, chaos follows.
An integrated professional team: Advisors don’t have to do it all, but they do need to coordinate. The best outcomes happen when legal, tax, insurance, investment and planning professionals are aligned early, not when everyone is scrambling after the fact.
One last thought
Whether clients stay in their marriage or choose to leave, they deserve to make that decision from a place of knowledge, not fear. And their family deserves stability, no matter the outcome.
For advisors, that means being bold enough to have uncomfortable conversations and skilled enough to tie those conversations back to long-term structure, legacy and peace of mind.
Because at the end of the day, divorce isn’t just about dividing assets. It’s about protecting what matters: the business, the wealth, the reputation—and, most of all, the family.
Other articles in the High Costs of Divorce series by Elke Rubach:
- What we can learn from high-profile couples who have split
- Children in the crossfire: What HNW divorce does to heirs and the next gen
- Staying married for the kids? Decisions borne of fear are dangerous to all
Elke Rubach is a Certified Financial Planner with CLU and MFA-P designations. Her expertise lies in optimizing income and tax efficiencies, achieving cohesiveness in financial and estate plans, and providing ongoing asset management strategies that foster wealth accumulation and growth. Elke is a reformed lawyer who earned her graduate degree in law, with a focus on banking and finance, at the London School of Economics, where she studied on a Chevening Scholarship. She worked as an associate at the London (U.K.) and Toronto offices of the law firm McCarthy Tetrault. During a stint in banking, Elke observed the life-changing impact of good financial advice and decided to switch to a career in financial planning and wealth management. She founded Toronto-based Rubach Wealth in 2012. Today, Elke is a sought-after speaker on wealth management, estate planning and philanthropy. She’s the founder of Fashion Heals for SickKids, which has raised more than $500,000 for pediatric cancer care and research since 2016. She also gives back with board and volunteer commitments with the Professional Advisory Council for SickKids Foundation, the Investment Committee at the Office of the Public Guardian, the advisory board for Transpod Inc., and the board of Ronald McDonald House Charities in Toronto.
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